Starting school
A milestone transition that can feel really overwhelming for many (parents and children alike!!)
Starting school is a significant transition for children, and it can be challenging for both children and parents.
Remember: It is OK for you and your child to find this transition difficult; it is a big change and can take time to get used to.
When I think about how to best support a child with this transition, I see the parent(s) as the starting point!
How was your own experience of starting school, what helped you with this and was there anything you felt you needed from your parents in terms of support, that was missing? This in itself will give you lots of insights in how you may be able to best help your child.
Secondly consider:
Do you have any anxieties about your child starting school yourself?
Perhaps you are new to the area with very few local friends and this may concern you. Maybe your child has health needs that are worrying you? Or there may be numerous other sources of anxiety for you.
If so, think about ways that you may be able to help reduce these anxieties.
Can you get to know any of the parents of the children who will be in your child’s class during the holidays? Can you arrange a meeting with the school before term starts to chat about your child’s health needs?
Sometimes writing a list of all your worries can help:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Huge-Bag-Worries-Virginia-Ironside/dp/0340903171
This is a children’s book and can be a great addition to your bookshelf to help open up the door to discussions around any worries your child may have, but it can also help us as adults, look at ways we can work through some of our own anxieties! (Of course, it is not a replacement for adult focussed support where needed!)
This I feel is the foundation to helping support your child with this big transition in their lives, children have little emotional radars and can pick up on their parents’ apprehension. Being aware of this, and thus working on supporting yourselves as parents with this transition as well as your child can have a really positive impact on how your children are feeling about this change.
Of course, there are also some very practical ways that you can help prepare your child for starting school and you may want to consider trying some of the following:
1. Acknowledge and manage your own worries and anxiety about your child starting school. Open communication with the teacher is essential for building trust.
2. Gradually get your child used to being apart from you by arranging playdates or short visits with trusted friends or family.
3. Create a poster of the future school with pictures of the school, teacher, and possibly a map of the route. This helps familiarize your child with the school environment.
4. Drive past the school a few times before the start date to make it feel more familiar.
5. Make a calendar with school days marked and plan enjoyable activities for after school or at the weekend to balance the focus. (These don’t need to be anything big or fancy, and actually shouldn’t really be as your child may well be pretty tired after school – it could be things like watching a TV show together, having a picnic in the park, playing Lego together.)
6. Be mindful of the language you use, acknowledging your child's worries and offering support.
7. Create some rituals that can help with the separation. You could consider drawing a little kiss or heart on your child’s hand before they go into school, or you could give them a little something of yours to take with them – this could be tying your little one’s hair with your hairband or attaching one of your keyrings on to their school bag if this is allowed, or letting them take your water bottle instead of their own.
8. Read books about school to your child to make the topic more familiar and open up opportunities for conversations.
9. Help your child learn essential skills like putting on shoes, toileting independently, dressing themselves, and blowing their nose with a tissue.
10. Adjust the bedtime routine and sleep schedule a few weeks before school starts to ensure a smooth transition.
11. Try to avoid other big changes or disruptions around the time of starting school if possible (I totally acknowledge this is sometimes unavoidable!)
Remember, supporting your child during this transition is crucial, and offering understanding, reassurance, and love can make the process smoother for both of you, but don’t just offer these things to your child, offer them to yourself as well!
Posting this with lots of love to you all.
Caroline xxx
P.S If you would like to joing my mailing list to receive news on all things parenting I would love to welcome you to sign up here:
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P.P.S Here are some book recommendations, but there will be many more out there that your child may enjoy – you could take a trip to the library to see what they have to offer too.
The Invisible String – Patrice Karst.
Starting school – Ahlbergs.
Little rabbit goes to school – Harry Horse.
All you need to know before you start school – Hollie Bathie.
Our class is a family – Shannon Olson.
All Welcome – Alexandra Penfold.
Usborne have several ‘starting school books.
I really like this website for book recommendations by theme:
https://www.littleparachutes.com/category/experiences/starting-school/
Dr Martha also has some book recommendations here ( I believe it may be an affiliate link for Dr Marta):
https://www.amazon.co.uk/shop/drmdc_paediatric_psychologist/list/2QRL0IDA5RYYQref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_aipsflist_aipsfdrmdc_paediatric_psychologist_E4B4EGJW5HRAYRANK
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Last updated: 09.08.2023
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